you don't care about impossible
something i wish i could learn from you

A peaceful serenity snaked its way along the grounds, wrapping gentle tendrils around each flower and blade of grass. There was a breeze that night that tickled the edges of his cheeks and caused the boy to wrap his arms around himself, attempting to regain warmth. Even if the day had been warm and inviting, as soon as the sun set and the moon rose there was always a chill near by. All was quiet on campus grounds, save for the occasional call of a bat or scuttling of a mouse. A leaf was picked gently from up off the ground and fluttered helplessly at the boys feet, lingering in the air for only a moment as it swirled around Spenser’s ankles. How easy it could have been to become lost in such simplicity, especially when there was no one around to interrupt private thoughts.

As ordinary as it was, the stadium at Dayton had always been one of Spenser’s favorite places to go. Whether he needed some time alone to think, or inspiration, the grounds could supply him with what he sought after. At night time this was especially true, considering most of the students were out at the local pubs, drinking their troubles away. Of course, Spenser still fell into the category that so many his age did. A bottle and a smoke seemed to be his best companions in times of stress, and more often than not the boy’s system was drowned in alcohol. Never once had the thought that drinking as much as he did could have a permanent effect on him. But of course, one might find it hard to think straight while your head is throbbing but your body demands more.

Spenser shook the thoughts from his head and jammed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. His attempts at warming his body were getting him nowhere. Taking a quick glance around, Spenser deemed that there was no one else here and it was safe to sit down. Stepping off the path he had been on, the boy made his way over towards a small stone bench which he had claimed his. A myriad of flowers sprung up against the carved base, adding a splash of color to the otherwise blank grey slate. Swinging his legs over the bench Spenser proceeded to lay his back flat against the cold surface as a chill rushed down his spine. Placing his hands behind his head so he could have some support against his neck, Spenser closed his eyes and began humming a tune. With the beat in place Spense bent his knees, keeping his feet and back flat against the bench. Before long, his hums had transformed into words that eventually took on the shape of a song. Quietly his voice started out at first, but gradually grew until his voice carried out across the campus grounds.

They try and tell you it's the truth.
But it's not.
It never is.
We tried to warn you.
We always tried our best.
But you ignored us.
Hateful liars.
You thrive from them.
You rejoice in them.

Lies.
All of them.


His voice trailed off as his mind came to an abrupt stop. Both eyes opened at once, and he came face to face with only the sky and the stars. Once or twice he blinked, trying to clear his mind and re-focus once more on his lyrics. But when nothing came to mind, Spenser turned his head so his ear and side of his face was touching the concrete bench. One hand untangled itself out of his hair and fell to the ground, draping over the side of the bench. A lone flower tickled his fingers, causing a small smile to crease his mouth. When he retracted his hand it was slightly damp; an effect from the dew the petals had accumulated thus far.

Rubbing his hand against his jeans, Spenser closed his eyes once again and began to sing his song once more.

outofjuice: haha so i tried writing a post, but it was an epic failure. so i used a recycled post xD it had the right mood and everything, so i thought why not. i couldn't convey the right effect when i was trying to write one up >.<

Write me down is the best idea you've had
Watch the fire fly cause I struck the match tonight

The thing about relationships was that you could never count on them to be one hundred percent solid. There was always a delicate balance between almost perfect and just… there. You could teeter on the brink of the two for days, weeks, or even months and never even realize it. Yet when the time comes and you fall from the precipice of which you had clung to everything seems to suddenly make sense. All those late nights staying up and watching movies, digging blankets out of the closet and picking popcorn out of couch cushions for weeks afterwards. Every single midnight run to the store for tampons or cookies or Midol seem absolutely pointless. And when you fall it doesn’t seem so bad. The landing on the other hand always shattered you into a million fragmented pieces.

That was exactly how the seventeen year old male was feeling as of late. It was no secret that Adelaide and himself were failing as a couple, and it was no fault but their own. Life, at the current time, didn’t seem forgiving enough to allow two people to simply be together without any complications. No, fate had to be cruel and twist its bony finger around everything that made him happy, leaving him broken and dazed amongst classmates and civilians. As much as Spenser tried to waken himself from the nightmarish state he so often entered he only ended up pushing himself further back into the mist.

It wasn’t a voice shattered the peaceful air around him that the male managed to pull his thoughts back to present time, rather than lingering on the past and future. Considering there were no others out at this time of night, it was easy to match the voice to a face. ’Adelaide…’ The name lingered on the outskirts of his subconscious, knowing it was her and yet not fully acknowledging the fact. Her sudden appearance at the stadium should have come as a shock to him, and yet he accepted her presence there. After all, he wasn’t exactly being quiet with his singing and therefore anyone who was outside on campus could have heard him and tracked him down.

As the girl approached the bench he was lying upon, the male took a deep breath and slowly let it out through his nose. If this was to be a pleasant encounter, he would have to be quick on his feet and make it a quick break. At the thought of breaking up with Adelaide crossed his mind, Spenser’s eyes watered and he was forced to swiftly brush his hand against his eyes to remove the water. A break-up was necessary at this point. It would be selfish of him to let things continue on simply for his own personal gain. It wasn’t fair to Adelaide, and it wasn’t fair to himself.

Slowly raising his body off of the stone bench, Spenser sat with his head in his hands, moving as close to the edge of the bench as possible. Five words were all that would be needed to let her know what was going on. ”Adelaide, we need to talk.” He spoke, as soon as she was in distance of hearing him.

when you held me tight
for this moment in time

Was this all really for the best? That was the single question running rampant through Spenser’s mind, toying with his emotions and causing him more grief than should ever be necessary. Could breaking the heart of a girl he truly did love ever fix anything they had done? The obvious answer would be no of course not, but his mind wasn’t working as well as it could have. In his head, breaking them apart now would be the best thing to do. In his mind, he was doing more good than bad. If only he knew Adelaide’s thoughts on the matter. If, for one split second, he could catch a glimpse into her brain, Spenser would know not to say the words that he thought he should.

For days now, Spenser had been rehearsing what was to be said. In three days time every single possible variation of the words ‘we need to break up’ had been thought of. Yet, still, every single phrase he had uttered didn’t seem to convey the right effect. He wanted the break to be clean and easy without much room to sputter or protest. But when you were hurting the girl you loved, was there even such a thing as quick or easy? The whole ordeal was going to scar both of them, whether they wanted it to or not.

When Adelaide spoke in response to his rather blunt statement, Spenser was shocked to hear her voice so unsteady and shaky. Opening his eyes rather abruptly, the male looked long at hard at Adelaide’s face, noticing for the first time the tear streaked, and red, puffy eyes. What could have happened to put her into this state? Seeing Ade so distressed hurt Spenser beyond belief, and all he could do was sit there and stare at her dumbly. The boy even managed to open his mouth and close it a few times before he shook his hair out of his eyes and closed it for the final time.

For a few awkward minutes, the duo simply stared at each other in silence, regarding the other and their motives. But in the end it was Spenser who made the first move. Slipping silently upwards and out of his seat, Spenser wrapped his arms around Adelaide’s body and pulled her closely to his chest, cradling the back of her head in his left hand. Placing his mouth close to her ear, Spenser whispered gently, ”Shhh. It’s okay. Everything’s fine. Shh.” For a minute or two, Spenser simply stood there and held Adelaide, letting her cry on his shoulder just as he had so many times before.

And then, Spenser pulled his head back, keeping his arms tightly around her and stared into her hazel eyes. ”Adelaide, what’s wrong?” Quickly glancing over her body to check for any abuse, he could find none but decided not to question his judgment. ”Are you hurt? Did somebody hurt you?” His voice was firm, but there was no denying the worry that was laced into it.

Pull these words off from my lips
Keep them safe, just remember that we wrote

Having Adelaide once more cradled gently in his arms, sobbing heavily into his chest while incoherent words tumbled from her mouth reminded Spenser of the one day in his dorm room. The day when Adelaide had spilled her heart out to him, and he in turn, did the same. He remembered when they first met, dancing in the rain and not giving a fuck who saw them. Their hair had been matted against their faces, and both their makeup was smeared beyond belief. He remembered the day at the movies when both he and Adelaide had been distressed beyond belief, finding comfort in each others presence. He remembered the many times Adelaide had stumbled into his dorm crying because of her father, and how Spenser would hold her until she fell asleep in his arms. It was ironic that they would once more find themselves in each others arms, yet this time on a much worse occasion. It was ironic that what had once brought them together was now tearing them apart.

Nonetheless, Spenser waited until Adelaide’s sobs had lowered in intensity until he had pulled his head back to get a better look at her. Even if they were no longer to be a couple, he’d be damned if they lost their friendship as well. Adelaide had been his first true friend when he arrived at Dayton, and she would be his best friend until the day he died. The ring that sat omnisciently on her ring finger proved this fact. Over the months the two of them had worked to hard to lose everything they had established. Losing Adelaide completely would be like losing himself, and he would never be able to get it back if it was gone.

Relief flooded onto his face when Adelaide informed him that no one had hurt her. If someone had, well, that would be the end of their pathetic life. But the fact still remained that Ade was crying, and apparently for no reason. Of course, there had to be a reason for the tears and that was what bothered him the most. What could cause her to go into this state that she wasn’t willing to just up and tell to him? As Adelaide started to speak again Spenser stared intensely into her eyes, hoping to deduce the answer before she said it. She paused, and Spenser had to restrain himself from shaking the answer from her.

He wasn’t ready for the answer she would give him though. Pregnancy was something that couldn’t be erased, well, except for an abortion. But even then, there was still the ever lingering thought of knowing you had taken the life of someone that hadn’t even been given the chance to live. And, listening to the confession slip from Adelaide’s lips, those were exactly the thoughts that swam rapidly through his mind. For a moment Spenser merely stared at Adelaide with a dumbstruck expression, mouth slightly ajar and both eyes wide with shocked. It took another moment or two for Spenser to compose himself enough to wipe the expression from his face before clearing his throat softly and placing his hands on Adelaide’s shoulders.

”Adelaide, you can’t be pregnant. It’s just… not possible. You… can’t…” The more he spoke though, the harder the realization struck him. Adelaide was pregnant, and with Spenser’s baby nonetheless. Once more the dumbstruck expression took over his face, and all he could do was pull her into an even tighter embrace than previously. He could think of nothing to say except apologize for what he had done. ”Adelaide, I… I’m so sorry. So sorry Ade.” His voice faded away as silent tears slipped down from the corners of his eyes, joining the ones Ade had splashed across the cement.

there's a hope, there's a light
and i see it in your eyes

There was absolutely no way he could end their relationship now. And maybe, just maybe, he had never really wanted to in the first place. Perhaps all he needed was a little time to re-evaluate his decisions, and Adelaide had given him the time he needed. After all, he had been debating what was the best course of action for days, and lost sleep over it for two of the three days he had deliberated. And now that Adelaide was carrying their child in her womb, Spenser would never be able to find it in his heart to end what they had started. He would never subject Adelaide to caring for the unborn child on her own, and once it was born –if they decided on that course of action- there was no doubt that Spenser would be there every step of the way. From diaper changing and late nights, to teaching the kid how to ride a bike and to not eat yellow snow. Hell, he was going to be the best damn father that was humanely possible. He was prepared to handle the outrageous hormones that Adelaide would surely show, and he was ready to make midnight grocery store runs to satiate her cravings.

All of that would come in time, but at the moment Spenser’s sole duty was to calm the girl who was currently in hysterics. And so, he allowed her to speak without interruptions and stroked her back and head when she paused in-between sentences. His arms never loosened against her body and he kept his head close to her head, leaning it gently against the side of her face. After Adelaide seemed like she was done talking, Spenser gave the girl a strong, reassuring squeeze and pulled hi head back once more to look in her eyes. ”Adelaide, I am not leaving you. I love you too much. I could never do that.” Letting out a small sigh of relief at the words that helped to reassure himself of his decision, Spenser lowered his head down so he could kiss the top of Adelaide’s forehead.

Slowly loosening his embrace from around the girl, Spenser grabbed her hand tightly and led her closer to the bench so they could both sit down. Keeping his body close to hers, the boy let go of her hand and wrapped his right arm around her waist, drawing her even closer to himself in the process. For a moment, all Spenser did was nuzzle his face into Adelaide’s hair, rubbing his hand against her arm as he did so. When at last he stopped his display of affection, Spenser let out another sigh and rubbed his free hand against his face. ”Ade, I promise you. No matter what happens, I’m going to be here for you. I will not –cannot-, leave you or the baby.” He put as much emphasis into the words as he possibly could without sounding mean or harsh. There was a moment of silence before Spenser spoke again, voicing his thoughts slowly. ”Do you… I mean. What are you wanting to do with the baby? I’ll support whatever your decision is.” It was the nicest way he could state what he was thinking. Adelaide had three options to choose from at this point. She could either terminate the pregnancy and continue life as if this never happened. She could see the pregnancy through to the end and put the baby up for adoption, or she could keep the baby and the two of them would raise it.

and i know you can see
it in mine.

It was as if every single struggle they had ever faced together was now being put to the test. Their boundaries and morals were being worn thin and their tolerance for one another had reached its peak. And yet still, there they were; Adelaide cradled in Spenser’s arms with a baby in-between them. But things seemed to have been put in reverse, and nothing was making any sense. The order of life seemed to have been flipped completely upside down, and Adelaide and Spenser were in the middle of it all. Whatever happened to saving yourself for marriage? And producing a child of your own after you were already happily settled down? Then again, Spenser hadn’t ever been one to follow the rules, and neither had Adelaide. Even though the duo had possibly made the biggest mistake of their life, Spenser refused to think of their child as a mistake. Yes, the baby was not a planned one. But it was definitely not a mistake. Spenser loved Adelaide with all his heart, and the baby would only help to further their love.

Well, that’s how he saw it in his mind at least.

As Adelaide brought her lips gently against his, Spenser couldn’t help but smile, glad that all was well between them again. The few weeks that they had drifted apart had been more than hard on Spenser, it had torn him apart. He could only imagine how it had made Adelaide feel, what with her hormones all out of whack and everything. Keeping his girlfriend held tightly against his side, Spenser listened to the far off sound of a chirping cricket. The silences between Adelaide and Spenser only seemed to be getting longer and longer the more time they spent together. Maybe that was due to the fact that neither knew just exactly what to say to the other, but it unnerved him nonetheless.

However the silence was abruptly broken when Adelaide spoke yet again. The girl had a habit of breaking the awkward silences. As she announced with certainty that she was going to keep the baby, Spenser squeezed her side, as if to back her answer in approval. Abortion just didn’t seem like the right thing to do. ”Babe, you don’t have to miss out on your senior year. I mean, yeah you’ll probably get awkward stares. But it doesn’t mean you have to hole yourself up alone. It’s not like they’ll kick you out just for being… pregnant.” The male hesitated on the word for a moment, finding it difficult to say out loud. Adelaide’s next question startled Spenser.

For a moment, Spenser was lost in thought. Him and Adelaide married, with a kid on the way, in a house of their own. There was no denying it sounded appealing, but in all honestly Spenser didn’t know if he was ready to settle down. Even if he waited until after the baby was born, he was still unsure if it would be the right time for marriage. Taking his time to form his answer, Spenser finally said, ”There’s still a lot of time to think about marriage and everything…” But, in truth, Spenser couldn’t picture himself growing old with anyone else besides Adelaide. Absentmindedly, Spenser fingered the ring that was located on Adelaide’s left hand. After a moment, he realized his actions and lifted her hand and pressed the ring and finger softly against his lips. ”Then again, it seems I’ve already put a claim on you.’ And even though the current situation was far from humorous, Spenser couldn’t help but smile his signature lopsided grin.

There's a chance and a time
That the sky could fall tonight

Every moment that he spent with Adelaide and the ever growing child seemed even more precious than life itself. For nine solid months the couple would be put through hell, and if they were luck to come out of it alive, they would endure 18 more years of constantly watching. And even though Spenser was confident in their unanimous decision, a little piece of him couldn’t help but feel sorry for the years he and Adelaide would surely miss out on. What about senior prom and graduation? Neither of those milestones could occur from inside a hospital. Their lives as two separate beings would end the moment Adelaide went into labor. From that point on, the two of them would be forever combined in an attempt to raise their child in the best way possible.

The whole experience would definitely be unique for the two of them, and Spenser was determined not to screw up any part of it. Feeling guilty for even feeling sorry for himself, Spenser held Adelaide’s hand between the two of his and placed his hands and hers in his lap, rubbing his thumb across the top of her hand. Listening silently as she spoke, Spenser furrowed his brow as he attempted to come up with a plan to keep Adelaide in school while raising a baby. If only he could have waited to impregnate Adelaide until senior year was almost finished! The way the timing had worked out was a bitch.

When Adelaide pressed her hand gently against the side of his face, Spenser lifted his own hand to encase hers. The task was simple, considering his hands were almost twice the size of hers. After he had placed his hand over hers and curled his fingers around her own, Spenser tilted his head to the side so he could press his face harder against her hand. After a moment the male sighed and leaned his head down so he could press his lips against hers, catching the girl off guard with his action. Allowing his lips to linger for a moment against her lips, Spenser moved his mouth to the corner of her lips and softly moved his head back and forth, rubbing his lips against her cheekbone. Breathing cold air against her cheek, Spenser whispered softly his own words of affection towards Adelaide, ending his words with another kiss. It was times like these that Spenser treasured most of all; the simple and intimate moments the two shared.

But the moment had to end eventually, and Spenser pulled back slightly so he could voice his opinions. ”So, it’s decided that we will be keeping the baby?” He summed up the last five minutes worth of conversation into one simple statement. The question wasn’t really meant to be answered, as they both knew the answer. Adelaide Marie Christian and Spenser James Beck were going to be proud parents. And anyone who had any objections would be receiving painful fists to their faces. ”Which means we need possible names… and a babysitter for during school?” The last part of his sentence posed a problem. They would need someone who wouldn’t fuck up their kids mind, and choosing a sitter for a newborn would not be an easy task. Absentmindedly, Spenser began listing off possible candidates. ”Well Geoff might work. If I knew where the hell Stefan went he would do it. And I might be able to convince Steele to help out…” When the final name was listed off, Spenser froze, dropping his hands from around Adelaide’s. Feeling the color drain from his face, Spenser quickly composed himself before Adelaide could notice his sudden change in demeanor. There was still a chance that she didn’t know about him and Steele. And it would be better if things stayed that way. After all, how awkward would it be to find out the father of your baby was bi-sexual? It definitely didn’t happen everyday, and Spenser didn’t want to complicate things further.